Newspaper Kidney Delight

So this is a writing activity Rohan, Hayden, Sam and I did in our very last Telling stories class. It ended up rather entertaining! You know the ol ‘write a part then someone else will write a part etc etc’ yeh it has a name but I can’t think of it right now.. The first part is written by myself, then Sam, then Rohan, then Hayden, then me again. I specially love the way the story changes when it gets to Hayden….

Its like magic, but not.

I call it: Newspaper Kidney Delight

My face was newspaper black. I had fallen asleep on the print, perfect, production piece while watching a shitty sit-com. After looking in the mirror I realised that I had disjointed sentences sprawled across my face. Words like, “killed two”, “sale 50%” and “Sport.” I wondered if this meant anything, was it a prediction, an insight to my social values or customs? Or was I still drunk from three, or was it five, pints of beer from last night?

As I wipe at the now smudged ink, a faded “sport” trails my mind back to last night. We were watching the soccer, thats right. But what happened afterwards? Where was I? A hazy memory begins formation in my mind and I feel the seeds of regret slowly forming in my stomach.

A hint of red on my hands. Surely that is an imprint from laying on them? But no… It looks more evil than that. Where’s my shirt? I stumble to the laundry. Dig through the washing basket. But that is unnecessary. My shirt from last night, my lovely white shirt was smeared with blood. An impossible amount of blood. What the hell did I do last night?

Ahh, now I remember! Yes, I was at Madam Lelou’s house, for a game of Mah-Tong with our buddies. Well, you know how I’m such a poor loser, right? So I killed them all every last one, and ate their kidneys. Yes the kidneys are the most delicious part. And once I was done I took the newspaper from the table – I stole it! -and headed home. I must have been reading it when I fell asleep.. Hence the ink stains..

I no longer was panicking now that was all settled. Although there was this strange lurking sickness embedded in the depths of my stomach. Something didn’t feel quite right…. Nooo a satisfying cannibalistic meal is usually kind of the intestines. Something was kicking and crawling like a baby within me. Which is strange because I’m a man. The sickness waved over me and I found myself rushing to the toilet to vomit. I vomited chucnks and chunks of delicious kidney and human.

Those bastards.

I had food poisioning….


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